Falling in Love

I have yet to be in love, but I think I can safely say what it is to be loved.

Often I wonder if that may be the reason I'm still single. When you know what real love is, it's hard to settle for anything less, and so it should be.

When I first began to understand what true love was I was fourteen. I'd had my first sexual experience with a boy who had been pestering me for a year or so. I'd said no several times over but on this particular evening he said all the right things, and surprising even myself, I gave in.

Young, naive fourteen year old me thought sexual intimacy was true intimacy. That the only way to be loved and show love was through baring and sharing yourself physically to and with another person.

Conversely, I felt very alone. The act itself, that physical show we had put on, had in fact changed nothing in reality. Instead of feeling closer to him, I felt we were miles apart, and all I wanted him to do was hold me. This wasn't what being loved was supposed to feel like. Being loved was supposed to make you feel special, intimately known; not a baring of the flesh but a baring of the soul, real, raw intimacy rather than an elaborate ceremony of make-believe.

Real love was romantic.

There was someone I hadn't paid much attention to those fourteen years. He'd always been around, and although I'd seen and heard a lot about him I'd never really taken the time to know him. In the days following he was with me, holding my hand, telling me he didn't think any less of me, that conversely he wanted me to be his more than ever before, so that he could protect me and love me and know me and be loved and known by me in return.

You see whilst I had barely taken notice of him those fourteen years; busy being caught up in my own superficialities, he'd been at work loving me from the very beginning. All this time he'd been putting himself in my way,  getting himself talked up by my friends, working tirelessly to make me notice him, and I'd ignored him at every turn. He'd pursued me passionately and relentlessly, never giving up, not caring if in the end all his love was unrequited, and instead had just loved me and loved me and loved me unceasingly; like a parent loves a child.

And now here we were; me at my worst and him the same as he'd always been; waiting patiently, loving and loving and loving me, looking out for me.

And this time, I looked at my situation; my experience of love, how I saw myself, how I felt, and I realised I needed that radical love in my life, I needed him.

He loved me the right way; not doing so because he would gain anything from it but because he couldn't help it. Loving me came as naturally to him as breathing came to me.

So I said yes to loving him. I made a decision that I'd be his as he had always been mine.

Like any other relationship, it requires work, but nine years on we're still together; him loving me in the same relentless, passionate and purposeful way he always did, and me trying to love him right back.

You see when I realised the lengths God had gone to get my attention and to steal my heart, I had no choice but to accept him, no other decision made sense. God was a romantic; paying attention to every detail so that it was just right, chasing me down at every turn, even at the risk of me rejecting Him.

And so maybe my expectations of love are too high, but now that I have experienced, raw, unselfish, devoted, kind, forgiving and generous love, nothing less will ever suffice.

Talking about Hell

I find it so frustrating as a Christian when I talk about the goodness and greatness and awesomeness that comes when you accept Jesus as your Lord and saviour, only to have someone ask,"But what about those who don't accept Him?"

I get irritated about this because I know the question is really about hell, and in my experience people become indignant at the thought of them not going to heaven 'just because they didn't accept Jesus'.

But let's forget about hell or heaven for a minute, and go back to what I was actually talking about.

What I'm talking about is the all the goodness that comes from saying yes to Jesus. What I'm talking about is love; crazy, over-the-top, passionate romantic love, and at the same time that fatherly love that protects you, always looks out for your best interests and does everything it can to help you succeed, what I'm talking about is peace; not just calmness and quietness, but a peace within you, that comes from the deep-rooted knowledge that someone has your back always, what I'm talking about is forgiveness; not just 'Look, you really hurt me but, I guess I can get over it' forgiveness, but forgiveness that sees beyond your failures and mistakes and refuses to judge you according to them, what I'm talking about is GRACE.

So when people ask me about what happens to those who don't accept Jesus, there are two thoughts that cross my mind. Either those people haven't really heard the truth about Jesus, His love and all that He has done, or those people are crazy.

Think about it, who in their right mind, would hear about unending joy, perfect peace, life in abundance, love and forgiveness that never fails, a constant support and encourager, and say, "Nah, I'd rather be alone, always depressed, always worrying and confused, constantly weighed down and defined by every little thing I've ever done wrong in my whole life"?

It's like being offered free first class passage on a plane and choosing to pay to ride in the hold with the luggage instead. Why would anyone do that? It doesn't make sense!

Of course there is also the option that people haven't heard the truth about Jesus, and His love and His mercy and His compassion, but that's what we should be telling people, that is the gospel!

Because, whilst yes, hell is a very real consequence, and yes it is forever, people shouldn't chose Jesus in order to avoid hell any more than they should chose Jesus to get to heaven.

Heaven and hell are not the point, Jesus is!

His radical, unrelenting, passionate, forgiving, merciful, love and grace are the point. A relationship with the one who created the universe and created you and knows you is the point.

So to those who get offered all of that, and chose to go it alone, I don't really understand you, I kind of feel sorry for you. But for those who have not been shown or offered all of that, and have instead been offered a 'gospel' that sounds like a set of rules, a curse, or a burden, I sincerely apologise, because that is not Christ at all.

Christ is a blessing, is life itself, is love itself. Heaven is forever with Jesus. If you don't want to be with Him in this short period of time we call life, why would you want to be with Him FOREVER? Or what do you think heaven is?

Heaven is forever with Jesus, it's life without Him that you should be concerned about, because that's  hell.

Valentines Day

I want to start by saying this post is not about what you think. It is, of course, in part related to Valentines Day, but it isn't about it.

Humour me and read on.

As I started praying this morning I was very aware of the fact that it is Valentines Day, but I really felt God remind me of something that I think is far more important, both for those celebrating with someone and those not.

Despite the fact that this day serves as a beautiful (or haunting) reminder for people the world over, it should not be a day that defines us (Christians).

Here's why.

We (and this time I'm talking directly to those not celebrating with anyone) are NOT:

1. Single
2. Alone
3. Or unwanted

We are God's children, beloved and chosen of Him, special to Him, the apple of His eye, and created for His divine purpose.

What I'm saying is; it is not our marital status that determines who we are. Our identities are in Christ. It is who we are in Him that is important.

Whether you are married, single, dating or widowed, don't lose sight of God in today. It's the same as any other day to Him, and you are just as special to Him today as you were yesterday.

Agape: A Poem

He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds;

To those who are hurting, He says 'Come and know relief'

To those who have been betrayed, He says, 'I too have been betrayed, but I'll never turn my back on you'

To those who have never known love, He says 'Get to know me, I loved you so much that I gave myself for you'.

To those who have never had a home, He says 'My father's house has many rooms'

To those who have only known death, He says 'Come and know me, I am the way to the eternal life'

To those who have no hope, He says 'I am hope, and I have good plans for you'

To those who can't forgive themselves, He says 'I forgive you'

To those who have sinned, He says 'I took your sin, have my righteousness'

To those who are lost, He says 'I am the way'

To those who are orphans, He says 'I am your father'

To those who are lonely, He says 'I'll never leave you or forsake you'

To those who are disillusioned, He says 'There's more than this, come back to me and know real life'

To those who are sad, He says 'Let me turn your tears into ones of joy'

To those who are unfulfilled, He says 'Let me give you purpose'

To those who have only ever known neglect, He shows affection.

He came for us because we were broken and needed Him. He came to show us love, to heal us, to encourage us, to save us.

We laughed at Him. We belittled Him because His ways weren't our ways. What kind of person sends a baby to save the world?

And yet when the nails pierced His hands as He bled to death on the cross for OUR sins, He did not curse us in His anguish, or pray that God strike us, He asked God to forgive us.

Agape

"Agape" - unconditional, wide-open love, as demonstrated in Jesus. Love that is fiercely passionate without being erotic, love that endures, love that sacrifices - Jesus